No Difference. Really.

On August 9, 2008, at 6:00 p.m., I had the honor of co-officiating a parishioner’s wedding.  About 80 people attended.  The venue, which served for both ceremony and reception, was a neat old barn fixed up and converted into an “elegant rustic” restaurant.  Rented out for the occasion, it was decked out in the usual tulle, white lights, and trimmings associated with weddings.  Inside was a guest book, a gift table, cookie and hors d’oeuvres tables, and a lovely three-tier cake, white with seafoam-color trim and oval-framed photos of the couple serving as cake top.  The bar served assorted wines and beers alongside non-alcoholic fare.   Guests were seated at round tables that ringed a dance floor – set up with chairs for people to sit in during the actual ceremony.  The couple’s theme was ocean/seashore, and the color schemes and centerpieces reflected this.   -Music is an important part of my parishioner’s life, and this was evident in the prelude music, which included a French horn/piano piece (horn played by parishioner’s music-major daughter), a wonderful cover of an old love song by parishioner’s talented son, and offerings by a friend who “just so happens” to be a professional opera singer in New York!  -At the appointed hour, my colleague-friend and I, in our linen robes and brightly-colored stoles, met the couple at the long table that had been set and dressed as an altar.  We led them through the prayers, scripture readings, and vows that they had chosen.  Rings were exchanged.  A “loving cup” ceremony was included – something not commonly done in our tradition, but perfectly appropriate for Christian couples, and this one in particular.  Communion was observed…with the couple holding the Bread and Cup and serving their family & friends, in keeping with our church’s theology of the priesthood of all believers.  The blessing was pronounced, the couple – who had been gazing raptly at one another the entire time – exchanged a heartfelt tender kiss, the couple was introduced as “partners for life, friends for a lifetime”, and with cheers and tears and applause, the new/blended family started the first hours of the rest of their life with – what else? – a great party!

And it was a great party.  Good food, good drink, good cheer, great music, all the fast and slow and silly dances common to weddings, animated conversations with tablemates you barely know and probably won’t see again, but hey, they’re nice people….the couple danced an actual dance, as opposed to the “grope-and-waddle” we’ve all seen (and some of us have done!) a thousand times….and now, as I write, they’re honeymooning in New England before coming home to their cozy comfy house with its yard full of flowers and its rooms full of love and hope and promise. 

That was the wedding – one of the sanest, loveliest, pleasantest ones I’ve had the pleasure of officiating.  Does it sound nice? Does it sound like a lovely, God-Blessed sacrament between two whom God has joined?

Does it matter that both halves of the couple wore tuxes?

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Some people think it matters.  No, scratch that:  a lot of people think it matters.  There are quite a few people, good Christians, loving Christians, earnest students of the Bible and ardent disciples of Jesus, whose reaction to what I described above will go instantly from “awwwww!”  to “ewwwwww!” There are Christians for whom that one small detail – two grooms, instead of a groom and a bride – pushes the whole event out of the realm of sacred marriage and into the realm of, quote, “ghastly parody”.  (The exact words of a seminary professor.  I read ‘em.)  There are people of faith who would consign couple, celebrants and witnesses all to the flames of eternal punishment, just for what we all did at 6:00 last Saturday. 

To them I say, you weren’t there. 

Debate the scriptures, throw flames on the forums, google “gay marriage Christian” and have yourself a grand old time with all the rhetoric, ask me why I take the open and affirming stance I take toward GLBT folk and their full participation in the life, leadership, and sacraments of the church, do all that….

….But in the end, know this:  that if you were there, if you witnessed the ceremony, if you felt the Spirit in that room, moving and encircling that couple, if you saw their faces and saw beyond all shadow of a doubt that God had indeed joined them, with or without a couple of liberal pastors along for the ride….you would know that there is, between “their” weddings and “ours”, no difference.  Really.

Tags: Christian, church, family, GLBTQ_Allies, ministry, Spirituality